I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize