remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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