He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
