Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
