My room smells like vodka and shame
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
