i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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