I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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