i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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