david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
