Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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