Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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