He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
