I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
