Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
