it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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