So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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