What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
