I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize