Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
