woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
