we have pet lesbian snakes
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
