so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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