Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Less talking, more tequila
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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