I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
