loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
