He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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