He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
