i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
