Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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