i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
