Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
