I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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