Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
