He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize