happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
