I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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