I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
as a side note pls kill me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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