Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

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(863): View more from Florida

I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.

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(352): View more from Florida

Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night

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(214): View more from Texas

They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.

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(530): View more from California

im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.

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