It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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