better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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