But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
