i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
