this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
