I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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