can we get nightvision for the apartment?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
