I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
