honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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