I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize