he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
