Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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