I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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