everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
