They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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