I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
