i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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