I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
