An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize