Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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