I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
