You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
