We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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