omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
