somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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