3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
