she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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