Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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