google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize