Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
