I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
