Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
