Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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